One of my favorite and guiltiest pleasures is reading Modern Love in the Sunday Style section of the NY Times -- after I read the business and sports section of course.
From time to time, I will post an article of note from that series. The one that I am posting today is an article about a news reporter who began a relationship with a prisoner. She married the prisoner, moved his children in with her and waited for him for seven years to be paroled. Ultimately, he was paroled, but the relationship did not last.
A couple of things about the article are disturbing -- the professional boundary issues; the intensity of the relationship with someone who was not free; the state sanctioned [not a problem] and "observed" sex in custody; and the naivete of the writer.
I kept wondering if the appeal was primarily that she was the powerful and needed one and that she had a captive audience -- someone who would listen and talk to her endlessly.
I would be interested in your perceptions.http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/15/fashion/15love.html
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Let's get this started
I have been thinking about blogging for quite a while, but couldn't really get going until now. I heard something on the radio that clarified many of the things that are on my mind. Believe it or not, it was a segment of "Car Talk" on NPR.
On the show, Click and Clack [I think] received a question from a caller. He was a 38 year old man who had an "ethical relational question." The question was whether he should let a woman who he was trying to date ride in his filthy car. He admitted that the car was well maintained mechanically, but that it was a sty inside -- coffe cups, pizza boxes, bottles, "30[0]" pounds of sand, etc. You get the picture. The male hosts said you should absolutely not let her ride in the car OR see your house, which the caller reported was in the same condition, until you get her hooked. By that time, the hosts advised, she will think it's funny and will laugh about it.
I have been so programmed and tricked myself that I initially agreed. I can only say that it sounded so familiar that I couldn't immediately identify how WRONG it was. He should start as he means to go on so she knows what she is getting into. By the way, I think the same is true for women.
How many of you out there have been tricked into marrying these sweet guys -- admittedly -- who are so messy that you think you have no other choice but to divorce them? What about the ones who are super sweet and nice but have this really obdurate [stubborn] streak that comes out when you cross them or they don't get their way? I am talking about men here, but I wonder if this applies in same sex relationships as well. Is it an opposite gender phenomena or is this the nature of relationships in general?
Is there any way out? Can we renegotiate, retrain?
On the show, Click and Clack [I think] received a question from a caller. He was a 38 year old man who had an "ethical relational question." The question was whether he should let a woman who he was trying to date ride in his filthy car. He admitted that the car was well maintained mechanically, but that it was a sty inside -- coffe cups, pizza boxes, bottles, "30[0]" pounds of sand, etc. You get the picture. The male hosts said you should absolutely not let her ride in the car OR see your house, which the caller reported was in the same condition, until you get her hooked. By that time, the hosts advised, she will think it's funny and will laugh about it.
I have been so programmed and tricked myself that I initially agreed. I can only say that it sounded so familiar that I couldn't immediately identify how WRONG it was. He should start as he means to go on so she knows what she is getting into. By the way, I think the same is true for women.
How many of you out there have been tricked into marrying these sweet guys -- admittedly -- who are so messy that you think you have no other choice but to divorce them? What about the ones who are super sweet and nice but have this really obdurate [stubborn] streak that comes out when you cross them or they don't get their way? I am talking about men here, but I wonder if this applies in same sex relationships as well. Is it an opposite gender phenomena or is this the nature of relationships in general?
Is there any way out? Can we renegotiate, retrain?
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